Calendar Photo's
by Queen of the Scoubies
Summary: Bella decides that the Death Eaters need to fundraise and what better way than making a calender....the muggles do it! Please R&R!


"SMILE!" shouted a heavy-lidded, black-haired woman as she directed a camera towards the group of Death Eaters.

"…"

"If you don't smile I will curse you until you are mere dust on the floor beneath my dainty little feet," she snarled and immediately the entire group grinned cheesily.

CLICK

"Aaawww! Aren't you all just sooo cute! With you're ickle bonnets and booties!" she squealed as she ran forward to shot it too them. "We must have another!"

"No really Bella, that's not necessary!" pleaded Lucius, the blonde haired on in the middle with the pink bonnet.

"We ARE having another," she growled before flicking her wand carelessly.

"Ahhh! Look at me! Hang on, don't look at me! What did you do to my boxers? They're like really really small and look like ladies underwear!" screamed Snape, the one with the huge nose while covering his barely covered parts which should most definitely be covered in his case.

"THIS is a beach scene everyone! We are beach bums!" happily announced Bella as she smiled widely, "Into positions please!"" and waved her wand to position her fellow Death Eaters as she wanted them; laughing as she had Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy hugging in the foreground. "Big grins everyone and CHEESE!"

CLICK

"Cheese? Cheese? Where? I want the cheese!" squealed the short, hairy rat-like man wearing boardies, "Gimme the cheese!"

"It was a figure of speech stupid," Macnair snarled as Wormtail bounced up and down on the spot.

"Our calendar is going to look just tooo sweet!" exclaimed Bella as another photo loaded on to the camera.

"Are you guys finished yet?" shouted a voice from the top of the stairs.

"VOLDIE! Where HAVE you been? Come down here this instant!" Bella shouted and stood with her hand on her hips.

"Okay Bella," Voldemort conceded and came down the stairs to be immediately bustled to the centre of the group "Who are we posing as?"

"Ballerinas!" Bella exclaimed as she joyfully waved her wand so that everyone was wearing pink tutus. Waving her wand again, she smiled. They were positioned perfectly! Everyone was half-way-through a jump while centred around Voldie who was doing a pirouette on a pedestal. "Look at moi everyone, look at moi and SMILE!" she giggled and took the photo.

"Bella, are we done YET?" Rudolphus whined at his wife you glared at him.

"We still need individual shots my sweetie-pie."

"VOLDIE! You're first!" she shouted five minutes later and pointed at Voldie.

"Ha! I'm first, I'm always first! She loves me more than she loves you!" he sung as he left the room and entered the room from hell. The walls were pink, the floor was pink and as he looked down, he could see that he was wearing a pink dress, "AHHHHHHHH!"

"Isn't it just soooo cute?" Bella asked as she surveyed him.

"Yes, um, of course, just, uh so cute?" Voldemort replied skeptically as she pushed a huge lollipop into his hands.

"Yep, so just hold that lollipop now, and twirl you piggy tails and smile…sweetly" she continued as she pushed him to the centre of the room.

"Lord Voldemort does NOT have piggy tails!" he shouted at her smiling face.

"He does now, so twirl and smile!" she grinned more and waited impatiently tapping her foot.

"Arghhhhh!" he growled at put on his sweetest smile, it even showed teeth.

Five minutes later and seventeen excruciating photos later…

"Alright, that's it, NEXT!" Bella yelled as she pushed Voldie out of room from hell and pulled Lucius in.

Freezing on the spot he stumbled over his words, "What, What, What kind of place is this?" he inquired staring at the chains bolted to the wall.

"This is our set, and we're going sexy!" Bella replied smirking at his terror struck face, "Now take off your shirt so I can rub this oil to make you all shiny."

"Uh…um…do I have too?" Lucius asked as he took a step backwards.

"YES!" Bella shouted and imperioused him to walk to the chains, "This will be fun…Now Smile like you never, smiled before Lucius, I SAID SMILE!"

Lucius obediently smiled but it came out more of a grimace, but that suited Bella fine, make him look in pain. He is a death eater after all.

Ten minutes and several whip burns later…

"NEXT!" Bella shouted as she pushed Lucius out and pulled Severus inside.

"Um, are we meant to be here?" Severus asked as he looked around the room covered with Harry Potter merchandise. It was everywhere, he was wearing a Harry Potter T-Shirt, with Harry Potter glasses and he even had a lightning-bolt scar on his forehead. "I LOOK LIKE HARRY-BLOODY-POTTER!"

"Well, duh. You didn't need to scream it. Now smile and look goofy." Bella instructed.

Immediately Snape stuck his teeth out and went cross-eyed, "Is this what you were thinking of?"

"Perfect, just smile now…nice and teethy….SMILE GOD-DAMN YOU!" Bella replied impressed with Severus's impersonation.

"Alright already I'm smiling!" Snape argued back glaring at her.

"Well smile more!" Bella commanded him with a glare to rival Umbrige's at her worst moment.

"You try smiling with your face like this." Severus snarled back.

"I don't care, just SMILE!" Bella yelled back and took random shots of Severus as he 'smiled' some more.

Seven minutes later…

"NEXT VICTIM!" shouted the all-too familiar voice of Bella as she pushed out Severus and pulled in her husband Rudolphus.

"Hi sweetie…" he grinned at his wife as she walked towards him smiling mischievously.

"Hi honey…" Bella replied before handing him a set of wings and a halo "…Go put these on."

"Um…okay" he replied and walked behind a screen to see cotton balls suspended from the ceiling "you're not expecting me to….HELL NO!"

"Do you want to sleep on the couch tonight Ruphy baby?" Bella asked as she batted her eyelids at him.

"Duh no!" Rudolphus answered shortly.

"Well you will be sitting amongst that cotton wool in your underwear wearing wings and a halo!" Bella snapped back grabbing her camera and pointing it at him, "NOW SMILE!"

Ten minutes later…

"OI! MACNAIR GET YOUR FAT ASS IN HERE!" Bella screamed from the depths of the room.

"I'm coming, I'm coming…." He replied then muttered under his breath "…you insufferable woman"

"I heard that!" Bella shouted back as he stepped inside and was knocked over by a wave of animals.

"Where's my Axe? I need my Axe! They're gonna kill me!" Macnair shouted in distress as Bella smirked.

"You, my dear violent animal hater and murderer, are going to sit there in the middle of this lovely aesthetically produced animal print carpet and hug these animals…Gently…and be peaceful. AND you wont get your axe back unless you do." Bella said as she pointed to a pile of carpet on the floor and held his blood stained axe behind her back.

Glaring at her, he crawled defeated over to the mat followed by the sea of wagging tails and fur balls, "I hate you, do you know that?"

"Yep! Now smile for the camera darling! A nice BIG SMILE!" Bella said as she pulled funny faces, "Much better. The dogs' licking your nose was a good touch."

Fifteen minutes later…

"WORM TAIL! YOU ARE NEXT!" Bella yelled through the room door and waited for him to come inside. "You are damned lucky that you are going to feature in this calendar."

"Sorry Bella." Wormtail muttered while looking at his feet ashamed of who he was.

"Put this on and smile" Bella snarled and shoved a heap of clothing in his arms.

"Um okay" Wormtail replied and headed behind a screen and found that the clothes were atrocious. There were geeky-coke-bottle-glasses; there were pants with braces that only went to his knees, geeky socks and an ink-stained shirt.

"Much better…now gel your hair right back" she ordered and muttered as he did so, "There, just as you should be," and flicked her wand so he was hanging upside down in thin air.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" Wormtail screamed as Bella took many photos of him dangling hopelessly above the ground.

"Could you smile a bit for the camera?" she asked as he looked at her, fear-stricken tears filled his already watery eyes.

"Apparently not, but that's okay, I have enough at the moment" and flicked her wand so he fell in a heap on the hard concrete floor, and promptly walked out of the room.

"FINISHED!" she shouted at the Death Eaters milled around the television and walked to the computer room to create the calendar that they would sell for fundraising. It was her idea, she had seen muggle foundations raise thousands of dollars, so she was sure that it would work just the same. Wizards would love to pay lots of money for a calendar that demeaned the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters.

**Yep, another one...I know what you're all thinking...SAD! That may be true, I just came back from a Parent-Teacher interview and got earbashed for 'not doing enough work in class'...dont get me started on how much work I do do in class...so yeah REVIEW and make me happy again...**

**Mwah**

**Queen of the Scoubies**


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